I was single for a long time – longer than I would have chosen to be if I was writing the story of my life. I guess partly it was my choice because I didn’t want to settle for anybody that wasn’t right, but mainly I think it was God’s hedge of protection until He knew I was ready.
I asked and sometimes begged God to bring me the man He intended for me to marry for many years. About six months before I met John these prayers began to diminish. It wasn’t that I wanted to get married any less, but through God’s work in me I began to see a bigger picture. I came to a place where I surrendered my will and my wants and began to believe and trust that God loved me and that His way is always better than mine. I could honestly say that if I never got married I would be fine, and was even joyful at that thought.
Throughout these years, there were two prayers I prayed as a single woman:
One was for my future husband – where ever he might be. I prayed that He was a Christian and that God was making him into a Godly husband that would be a leader. And I prayed that he was safe and healthy. When I began to learn about John’s battle with Cardiomyopathy early on when we began dating, and I found out how truly sick he was at one point, I thought back to this prayer. I told John that I had been praying for him during this time even though I didn’t know him. Even though I don’t know all the details of God’s mysterious work in all of this, I know that my prayers were being heard. And now I can see that God answered my prayer by sparing John’s life during that difficult time.
I also prayed another prayer – this one for myself. I prayed over and over that God would prepare me to be a Godly wife. I am by no means suggesting that I have reached the epitome of godliness. That will ultimately be reached in heaven. However, I do seek the Lord with all of my heart, soul, and mind on a consistent basis and want nothing more than to glorify Him. In this trial John and I are going through, I have to lay down my own wants and needs daily. I have to surrender. Some people have asked me how I do this. How can I be so strong? How can I smile? How can I go on with other daily responsibilities? How can I be positive? Why aren’t I angry? Well, I know that my prayers from all of those years as a single woman were being heard. God has answered my prayers by preparing me then, through trials I went through single, and now, through the work of the Holy Spirit to be the wife God has called me to be for John.
The Holy Spirit led me to pray these two prayers as a single woman, and now I see clearly God’s work through them and His answers to them. I see that God was preparing me for something I would have never imagined. Any strength or godliness I show is not me – has nothing to do with me. It is the gift of the Holy Spirit working within me to fulfill God’s plan. I am so thankful for this gift, and I am so thankful that God led me to pray these two special prayers for so many years so that now I can experience His hand in it all.
Are you praying for your future husband? Are you praying for your future wife-self?