The Fight Over Homeschool

Photo Credit: Creative Commons: Skyseeker

Our new baby, our first baby, isn’t even born yet. Actually, he or she is still the size of a peach or a medium sized shrimp if you’d rather compare with seafood instead of fruit. Nonetheless, our precious miracle’s small size has not stopped his (or her) daddy and me from already getting into some major discussions about how we expect this whole parenting thing to go. I thought that since we’re married, and one flesh and all, of course we would be in agreement on the big issues with raising a child.

Then came the fight over homeschool.

Not just a disagreement or a small tiff. Oh no. A full blown, tempers raging, misinterpreted words, feelings hurt, fight.

Now I know you’re thinking, “Homeschool? Won’t the child go to school in like six years from now?” Yes, exactly, I know. But that’s where we were – in a fight about how to educate our baby who we haven’t even formally met yet.

My Side:

My desire to possibly homeschool our child is truly not in an effort to shelter him or her from society based on my faith or my relationship with Jesus. My reasons come from 1. a growing political conflict I have developed after teaching in public schools for thirteen years and 2. a philosophical difference of opinion about how children best learn and how they are typically taught in the public system.

His Side:

My husband actually agrees with most of my thoughts and opinions, but there is one concern that he has that outweighs his agreement with me. He is concerned about the child’s social development if he (or she) were homeschooled.

And so we went round and round about these issues. Not just over one day, but over a few days.

Finally it had to stop.

After I had debated my side until I could no longer put together a coherent thought I was left with one feeling: fear.

I realized that I was allowing this issue that we have six whole years to resolve to become a wedge between my husband and me now. I was trying to control it out of fear.

Are my concerns legit? Sure. Do I deeply believe them? Of course. But my husband loves our child just as much as I do. And his concerns are just as legit.

It was time for me to come together with my husband as one on the same team. I apologized to him and told him that I was acting out of fear of all the unknowns. I told him that I knew God was sovereign over every aspect of our lives even if our child  does attend public school.

I can still get pretty heated up over the subject. Just come around when cable news is on and there’s anything reported about schools. But I’m starting to force my black and white thinking to turn a shade of gray. Not out of letting go of my convictions, but out of accepting that there is Someone greater than me who is in control.

Have you ever allowed a deep conviction or opinion put a wedge between you and someone you loved? How did you resolve it? Please tell us in the comments.

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  1. WalkingThroughTheValley says

    We have more times than I’d like to admit. And I haven’t always handled it as maturely as you did. My husband wanted me to work second shift in addition to homeschooling. I was so upset about it, it almost broke my marriage. Once I submitted to him, I found I actually enjoyed working and it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought. I wish, wish , wish, I hadn’t been so stubborn and dug in my heels over the issue!

    • says

      Thank you for your story! I have to remind myself that God knows much more than I know about myself including all the the things I think I want but aren’t good for me for whatever reason. I am glad that you found peace in your situation. I’ll keep praying that I do to!! :-) 

  2. says

    Erica, I know. I always feel better when I know I’m not the only one! We’ll see if I can stay mature. At least at this point I still have time on my side!! Thank you for stopping by!!

  3. Lauren Holmes says

    Wow.  I had the same argument with my husband.  I am a teacher too and have seen a lot that I don’t like in the schools.  Like you, I finally just let it go.  :)  In our case, we had three years to figure it out.  I like to have all of my ducks in a row beforehand, so this was very hard for me!lol..  Now we have decided to home school through third grade, and then re-evaluate.  I love this post – just what I needed to hear.  Thanks for sharing!

    • says

      Lauren, I’m the same way. I know it’s a long ways off, but I just don’t like not knowing. That sounds like a good plan to reevaluate after a few years. Maybe I can negotiate that! :-) Thank you for stopping by and sharing your story! I love to hear that I’m not the only one! 


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