In the spring of 2010 I made the conscious decision to stand up to the enemy. I imagined myself looking him straight in the eyes with fierce boldness and making a declaration like I had never made before.
We had been married not even two years when we were told that my new husband, who was dying of Cardiomyopathy, would have to have a heart transplant.
For fourteen years prior to getting married I begged God to bring me a husband. I wanted to be married more than anything else in the world, and finally He had answered my prayers.
Now, after only two years, I may have to give my husband back.
That spring I contemplated all of my options. I could get angry. I could hate God. I could demand my way. I could resent my husband. I could pity my life. I could choose to die.
But since being married God was revealing to me that this is how I lived my life when I was single and how I could have used it for so much more. See, during those years, I fought hard against God, demanding my right to be married, pitying myself, trying to get for myself what I wanted, and living a life of unpeacefulness.
If I had stood up to the enemy then, I would have trusted God, served Him, and reflected His glory in my life for others to see.
This was my second chance. Now was my opportunity to resist the enemy’s deception, fall into God’s plan, trust Him, and reflect His glory.
So that spring I looked the enemy in the eye, and I said something like this, “Death may take my husband of only two years. You may challenge me. You may try to destroy me and make me turn my back on God. But this time, you will not succeed. John’s story, live or die, will be used for His glory – to bring many people to Him and to change lives including mine. I will tell of God’s sovereignty and provision. I will proclaim His goodness for as long as I live.”
And I did just that. I began to blog about John’s story. I began to send emails. I began to ask everyone, Christian or not, to pray for Him. I put John’s name on ministries’ prayer request lists all over the country. And each time I praised God for our trial.
My reward? Peace. A peace like I cannot describe to you. A peace that made others think I was in denial. A peace that prompted people to email me and ask me how I did it.
But I didn’t do it. God did all of it.
During those months I read the book of Job. I had to know how the people of long ago, who talked to God and walked with God, handled their trials. Job was faithful. Job continued to be faithful as the enemy stripped him of everything that was important to him. But the trials continued to come even more fiercely.
The trials continued to come into our life too. John is alive today. He is a man of many miracles.
But the road has been hard ever since.
The enemy remembers me that day looking in his eyes, and he has not given up.
At the end of July I will be attending a writing conference close to home called She Speaks. Since our trial two years ago God has prompted me to tell the story of where His supernatural peace came from and how it is accessible to all of us. So I have been preparing, and at She Speaks I plan to share my writing with other authors and publishers.
The enemy is hating me for it.
Our home has been in upheaval from his attacks since I surrendered my lack of confidence, my fear, and those voices that keep telling me I’m not good enough and made the decision to step out in faith and write this book.
The enemy doesn’t want another book written about God’s supernatural peace. People might just experience it themselves.
I told my husband that expect the attacks will continue for as long as we look the enemy in the eye. Choosing God does not make life without trials, but often times increases them.
So why stand up to him? Why not just let the enemy do his thing?
Because that’s the deception. My peace lies only in choosing God – over and over and over again – and letting others see His supernatural power in my life so that they may choose Him too. It is a conscious decision.
Have you ever intentionally chosen God and then experienced the enemy’s attacks? I would love to hear how you handled them in the comments.
Today I’m linking up with: