When You Don’t Fit in with the “Mom Group”

June 19, 2012 By Brenda

On Monday morning I got up, got dressed like usual – skirt, hair curled, lipstick – and began the self-talk about my next venture as a soon-to-be first time mom – the stay-at-home-mom’s Bible study group.

What if they think I’m too old?

What if I’m overdressed?

What if they say, “No wonder . . . she doesn’t have any children yet!”

What if they continue to say, “It’s because she has only one, just wait!”

What if we have nothing in common?

What if they think I just don’t “get it”?

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I always thought that I would fit in perfectly with this group of women. I always dreamed of being a stay-at-home-mom, and at 35 years old my dream is coming true.

But this morning as I tried to predict what the other women would be wearing, what they would think of me, and how they would react to the fact that this is only my first baby, and I’m 35, and she won’t even be here until October, I began to feel the need to rehearse my story. To come up with some excuses. To prove my worth.

Well, I have a graduate degree.

And I got to enjoy fourteen years living the high life in the city.

Now I’m an ~~aspiring~~ writer.

I have years of experience and wisdom.

I know what the “real world” is like.

As I got in the car and pulled out of the driveway I recognized my insecure self who was driving the car. I’ve been recognizing her more quickly lately before her words really take root and get the best of us.

I thanked God for revealing her to me, then I asked for forgiveness and reminded myself that He is the only one who gives me my worth.

I knew that secretly I was really just jealous. After all, that was supposed to be my life.

I pulled up to the house of the woman hosting the Bible study group in my four-door Toyota Camry. The driveway was lined with minivans, so I parked on the street. “What am I doing here”, I thought to myself, as I strolled up to the door.

I rang the doorbell, and could hear the yelling and running and commotion of the children. The hostess opened the door with a smile and her baby on her hip and invited me in.

I felt the immediate need to spew my story all over the floor. I was so out-of-place.

“I was single for a long time. I didn’t want to be. I didn’t have a choice. I wanted your life. Then I married a man who was dying. He had to have a heart transplant. I know I don’t look like you. I know I’m inexperienced and immature and bright-eyed with how perfect motherhood’s going to be when it’s really not. But will you still let me in anyways?”

And I had overdressed. Now they were thinking, “Of course she has time to shower and shave and put on jewelry”.

As the morning went on we talked about our Bible lesson for the week while they fixed snacks and wiped noses and caught falls. I just sat there and relaxed.

Then there was the comment.

“I just don’t think deeply”, the woman said honestly, “I don’t know if I am just too tired or lazy or what, but I just have a hard time answering these questions about the Bible lesson because I’m at home all the time, and I don’t think very deeply anymore”.

I have always thought that it’s the enemy’s lie that tells homemakers they lose themselves or no longer have deep thoughts when they are at home raising their children.

In my mind I began to freak out. Suddenly I could feel a slow leak in my bones of my true self – without titles. “But all I do is think!” I thought to myself. “I’m an introvert and to me the world in complicated and misunderstood and a mismatched mess if I don’t think.”

As much as I say “It will never happen to me“, maybe it’s true. Maybe motherhood does strip you of your personhood. Maybe there’s no hope.

For the first time I felt the subtle drip, drip, drip of myself. It scares me. I don’t like it.

Did you lose your personhood when you became a mother? I would love to hear your thoughts, opinions, and advice!

Today I’m linking up with:

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37 Comments Filed Under: family, identity, motherhood, Others, You Tagged With: identity, motherhood

http://blog.jennimullinix.com/ Jenni

Honestly, some days you will feel like you’ve lost yourself. A lack of sleep makes it impossible to think clearly and you may struggle to complete a sentence. Some mornings you will feel like a zombie. People will pay more attention and talk to the baby instead of you. BUT, then there are days when life seems much clearer. You find delight in the little things. You will understand God’s love better as your love for your child grows. (Giving up for child for the salvation of the world seems like a much bigger deal from a parent’s point of view!)

My greatest advice for you would to be EXPECT to change and embrace it. Also, take advantage of quiet times for your “deep thinking”. I ponder quite a bit while rocking my daughter to sleep. :)
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Jenni, this is great advice! I do need to embrace it and not fight it. I look forward to my (hopefully) deeper understanding of God through motherhood. I know marriage has brought that for me, and I can only imagine that motherhood is that much more. Thank you for your words today!!
http://www.onefunmom.com Christy

Brenda, this was so transparent!

Hmm, I don’t think I “lost” myself, but I know I changed. It’s been a good change generally. Having kids has taken me out if myself. Has made me more selfless and willing to sacrifice. (Yesterday I even shared my ice cream with TWO boys!) I’m still realizing how selfish I can be, but am thankful for the lessons that come with family.

And yes, some days, especially with babies, I feel overwhelmed and like deep thoughts are a thing of the past, but as the babies get a bit older and I regroup that time passes.

And I am reminded to be truly accepting of ALL moms, because I forget what it’s like being there for the first time. I’m sooo glad you prettied yourself up, try to keep doing it after your baby/ies!
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Christy, now you know how mean I can be on the inside. It’s not good, but I’m working on it! I have heard the first few years are intense but that things even out. And I’m so glad that you understand where I’m coming from and don’t judge me for being too “pie in the sky”!! I know I am suffering from that right now, but I’ll learn. Thank you for your words of encouragement!!
http://www.ohthatmomagain.blogspot.com/ Kelly @ohthatmomagain

Well… I’m going to be honest. Yes. Actually, you do lose your personhood when you become a mother. I’m not Kelly any more… I’m ‘Katie’s mom’ or ‘Chloe’s mom’ or ‘Everlee’s mom’ (you get the idea). At church, when the baby gets cranky, Mama takes her out. My identity is being ‘Mama’. NOW, I AM other things: wife, blogger, teacher, writer… woman (though that feels the fartherst away sometimes lol). But even at work (I’m a teacher), I’m ‘Katie’s mom’. Nothing wrong with that… but you do lose a bit of your personhood.

You change when you become a Mama, and not all of it is bad. You WILL Have times for deep thinking (if not going to the bathroom alone). Driving in the car with the kids’ music playing, I think. Or when their shows are on (we watch PBS Kids and Nick Jr). Or when they are in the bed.

I’m not a stay at home mom, so take what I say with a grain of salt, BUT I think it’s that way with a lot of moms. It’s not ‘bad’, it’s just different.

Also, I wanted to tell you to be prepared that you won’t enjoy every day. You won’t feel ‘blessed’ at 2 am when the baby throws up on you and you can’t get her to sleep. You will get frustrated and you will cry (sometimes at silly things.. that’s being a mom lol). I’ve read somewhere to ‘enjoy every minute’. I tried, and I was miserable. WHen I got frustrated, I’d beat myself up because I wasn’t ‘enjoying’ it (I MUST Have been an ungrateful, selfish, mean mommy was my thinking…). Then, someone told me that there was no way I could enjoy every minute. I would get upset, frustrated (when the 2 year old throws HUGE fits in the store… it’s not pleasant), sad, overwhelmed, and that’s ok. It’s OK to feel those things. The main part is the pray for strength in the morning… and every chance you have through the day. And understand that it’s ok to get frustrated. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them any less… OR that you think any less of them being a miracle.

I’ve written a book… sorry
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Kelly, I love your book because I need it!! Thank you!! It is good for me to hear that it’s o.k. to feel discouraged or tired or whatever because right now when I feel this baby move inside of me I think, “How will I ever not enjoy her? or How could I ever get frustrated again?” I know that’s not reality, but then I feel guilty at even thinking about not enjoying it.
  
  I don’t think it matters if you’re a SAHM or not. I think all women struggle with these thoughts. Thank you so much for your honesty. I like honest! That’s what I need!
http://intentionalbygrace.com Leigh Ann

I don’t think I lost my personhood. I think my personhood became better and much richer because of my baby. I joke sometimes and say that I don’t know who’s discipling who because my son teaches me far more about the inward workings of my heart than anything else ever has. At the same time, the opportunities to teach him and show him the way only presents more opportunities to grow in the Lord. Yes, there are days no “deep” thinking takes place, but as a fellow introvert, you will continue to make time for this sort of thinking. Yes, there are days I’m balled up on the floor balling, but there are more days that I’m dancing around my kitchen like a crazy woman filled with joy and laughter. It is a perspective. It is a complete reliance upon the Lord. When you have a child, I think everything you do can have more eternal weight than anything you’ve ever done before, no matter how spectacular. The reason, as a friend recently told me, is because it’s vine writing (or whatever you do). With children, there are a hundred demands and needs and finding time to write (or think deeply) is a supernatural work of the Lord. It’s vine writing because you’re completely reliant upon his grace to take you through. His writing is far more effective than your writing. No it doesn’t look like what I expected, and no it’s not necessarily how I want it … I desire long, uninterrupted times for writing and thinking, but that’s not how God orchestrated it. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t ever happen. You ask him and he gives. You abide in him and you’ll be amazed how deeply you can think even when a baby is throwing a temper tantrum. Continue selling out for his kingdom, friend, and your child will only enrich your personhood!
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Leigh Ann, this is so encouraging! Thank you! You’re right, I’ve heard other women when asked how they “do it all” respond that they don’t know – they don’t – it has to be God’s doing. I am going to hang on to that. I am looking forward to the person motherhood transforms me into – hopefully someone more like Christ.
Lillythroughthevalley

You know what I did lose myself for a while but that’s okay because God showed me a new person in him. I became a mother of a child with a brain injury and spent the first 2 years of her life just being her mom the caregiver but in the third year he showed me my role as a mother and wife. I need to be Candice the person to successfully raise my daughter into the inheritance God has planned for her. I don’t fit in a lot of mom’s groups but it took a while and God lead me to a great group of ladies who get me the person. Have faith and it will come for you. FYI I was 25 and I didn’t fit in with most ladies my age due to my experience of raising my daughter
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Candice, thank you for your words of encouragement. You are so right, and I have no idea what’s ahead for me either. I am sure there will be phases of more of just “me” and phases of more of “mom”. It’s not that I don’t want to be the person “mom”. It’s just that I’m all I know. So to not know me anymore is scary.
Beth @momsmessydesk.com

You don’t really lose your personhood – it’s more like you exchange it. For something completely different. I am not the person I was before my son. Sometimes I look back and I don’t even recognized that person anymore. Sometimes, I will admit, I even miss her. But I wouldn’t trade away all the blessings I have as a Mom for the person I was then. I love being a mother. That need for the personhood grows smaller the moment you hold your baby – and you embrace motherhood. That motherhood is the combination of the joys of both worlds. In the beginning I remember felling like I completely lost myself. But as my son gets older I feel it slowly coming back even better.
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Beth, thank you for your encouragement! It is such a blessing!!
http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda

Thank you, Beth! I do look forward to motherhood making me come out of myself – to see the world differently, to help me be a better person in general. One thing I started to notice before getting married four years ago is how selfish I was becoming. Not because I meant to, but simply because I only had me to think about. Marriage has definitely changed that. I know motherhood will continue to make me into a new of me like you talk about – hopefully better.
http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda

Beth, the above comment is for you.
http://www.KarenEYates.com/ Karen Yates

I definitely ‘changed’ when I became a mother. It’s such a transformative thing. It’s impossible to stay as you were/are because now you have other people to whom you are responsible, innocent children who rely on you for everything. You lay aside yourself, you give, you sacrifice, you protect, your whole galaxy changes. But … BUT you are still you too. It’s strange. I might say it was like adding another layer to the recipe. I didn’t realize anything in the ‘chili’ that was me was lacking. With each child came another spice that added more flavor, made things a little more complicated, but also made things more tasty. I do think you have to cognizantly choose to continue to grow yourself as a person … to stay engaged … to keep your mind exercising … and even to remember that first and foremost you are made to glorify GOD, not to live for your children or to live for your husband. But I think we as people, (not just mothers), have to choose intentional living, intentional growth! HE has something He wants to do in and through you. You are going to be a GREAT mama!
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Karen, I LOVE your analogy and your thoughts! Yes, being intentional is key! Being intentional to keep our minds on Christ so that He can change us into who He wants us to be. I see myself adding layers, but I don’t see myself becoming a different person. I don’t think God wants that either.
  Thank you so much for your encouraging words and help! I really can’t tell you how much they’ve meant to me today!
http://www.nwedible.com/ Erica / Northwest Edible Life

I don’t want to sound really judgmental, but is it possible the person who said she couldn’t think didn’t spend all that much time in thinking before a baby? (And if so, hey, there’s no crime in just living in the moment. Overthinking is overrated, though I can’t stop myself.) Anyway it’s my experience that having a tangible, in-flesh commitment to the future of humanity causes many women to think a whole lot more about the big question stuff *after* kids than they ever did before kids.

Now that said, there will be days and months and possibly years at a time when your brain feels like it’s stuffed with cotton. This is mostly about sleep deprivation, and eventually goes away. But there is a lot of time with an infant, especially, where you just….sit. You sit and nurse or sit and hold or sit and rock or sit and read because if you move the baby wakes up and we all know….you NEVER wake the baby. And those times of just sitting still are wonderful pockets to fill with contemplation and gratitude and thought.
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Erica, I agree that you see the world totally different with a child. I have seen a lot – I taught in public schools for 13 years – but it’s no where near the same as the child being your own. I do not know these ladies in Bible study yet at all, and I don’t know the whole context of her comment. I think she was just being truthful with the demands of little ones. I was just feeling so out of place and my mind was racing, so when I heard her say that I thought, “What??” She most likely did not mean it as literally as I took it. I like to hear the honest. But I still want to think. Thank you for your insight and help!
http://www.servingjoyfully.com/ Crystal

I was always the opposite. I always knew that once I became a mom that’s what I was and everything else was going to come to an end as I was forced to put my life (as I knew it) on hold and focus instead on my family…because I believe that’s what God calls of me. So, my response to this was to not have children. Because I didn’t want to give up myself and I believe that I would have lived a perfectly happy life and never once regretted my decision…BECAUSE, I wouldn’t have known what I was missing…because until that moment when you become a mommy, whether you are anxiously awaiting it your entire life, or determined not to have it happen…until that moment, you don’t really know what it means to be a mother. I know I didn’t.

And, I will have to say that all the things that I knew I would lose…those happened. Because I feel like it’s God’s will for me to be a stay-at-home mom…my time is not my own. My time is committed to God and my family. But if you embrace that for the joy it is, then it’s not a burden. And I can honestly say that I spend far more time rejoicing in what I’ve gained than mourning the “me” that I’ve lost.

Congratulations on your coming blessing and thank you for being so REAL. I’m a very real blogger myself and I appreciate that in others as well…it’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who might overthink things or slip into insecurities on occasion.
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Crystal, I have always been of the “don’t have children if you don’t want to raise them” opinion as well. And I certainly do not buy into the “you can have it all” mentality. That’s the best advice my mom gave me. I’m not trying to hold on to my old life at all. After living many life lessons, I life a very surrendered life. Not to say that I do not have real thoughts and emotions, but I know that God’s calling for my life is His and perfect and I must fall into that. I am beyond overjoyed for this baby girl. God told me I would have a baby girl, she has been named for years and years, and I cannot imagine any greater love even now. My life is now hers. But I also know that I am a unique child of God, too. One who likes to think deeply and contemplate things and wonder. So when I hear comments like I did on Monday I wonder, “Will I recognize myself?” I’m not mourning the so-called “perks” of life without children. I know that life will be more fulfilling than I could ever imagine. I’m just wondering who I will be now. I hope that makes sense. Thank you so much for your comments and thoughts!!
  - http://www.servingjoyfully.com/ Crystal
    
    Um…wow. I’m very sorry that you took my comment in such a negative light. I would love for you to just erase it because I meant absolutely NOTHING negative about my life or my children and if you read it that way, others may have as well. I feel like I really put myself out there with my comment, but apparently that wasn’t received on your end…sometimes electronic communication can cause that. At any rate, please delete it. I do not want anyone else to read that comment and think that I don’t want to raise my children or that I am in mourning as you say “for the so called perks of life without children.”
    
    My point was that I LOVE my life and yes, you will change, that’s life…whether you have children or not your life is always changing and you are always changing (for the good or bad, we’re always changing and hopefully growing). I am of the opinion that you cannot become a mother and not be changed by it. It’s just that simple. You cannot expect to embrace motherhood while at the same time remain the exact same person you’ve always been. But, if you allow it the changes will be good, growing changes. Just like, whether you admit it or not, the other life experiences you’ve had have changed and grown you, even if it’s just in leading you to a more surrendered life as you say.
    
    Although, please don’t judge that poor woman so harshly, because I think most of us, if we’re honest, will admit to just being exhausted past the point of thinking about anything other than the necessities. But, again, you might not find this to be true.
http://www.hopefulfuture.blogspot.com/ Paula

you change, but you don’t have to lost “yourself”. It does become much harder to “think deeply” and do other things you once enjoyed and did often, but it’s not impossible. You have to learn to prioritize your life, and your days, and to be be at peace even when you don’t get time to “think” or write or whatever it is you like to do. I think being intentional is really the key to it.

Yes, there are stages (weeks or months) where deep thinking is next to impossible. but a few weeks don’t change who you are as a person. I didn’t lose myself. I just gained more of me. I know a lot of people feel like they lost themselves when they became mommies but it doesn’t have to be that way.

you have to take time for yourself (away from your kids) and have hobbies etc. that you enjoy. Doing those things helps me be a better mom and be more in the moment with my kids (more patient, more loving etc.) when i’m with them (which is 98% of the time)

my thoughts I have a 19 month old boy (who is extremely hyper) and a baby girl due in 6 weeks.
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Paula, I agree! Being intentional is key. I do feel myself becoming more of who I always saw myself – if that makes sense. Thank you for your thoughts!! I need them!
Nichole

I married later, too (at 35), and had a baby last year (at 38). I, too, am an introvert who loves to sit and think and daydream and make lists and read and choreograph and create. And did I mention daydream? While I don’t have as much uninterrupted time for such things, I’m still able to fit them in while nursing or rocking the baby, while he’s playing, during naps, or once he’s in bed for the night. He’s 10 1/2 months old, and I still feel very much like “me.” In fact, since I’ve always wanted to be a SAHM, I feel more like “me” now than ever. I like the same music, listen to the same talk radio programs, laugh at the same things, enjoy the same hobbies, etc., it’s just that I have a few new skills and responsibilities on top of it all. And I have a sweet new little buddy who fills a spot in my life and heart I didn’t know was empty.
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Nichole, thank you for your thoughts since you’re my age! I love knowing I’m not alone. I agree. The moment I found out I was pregnant it was like my world came together. I had this relief feeling like “finally my purpose”. I know that I have always had purpose, but I did feel like my life came together. I still feel that way. I am glad to know that you don’t feel like you became someone “different” simply because I would think that if that happens there would come a day of crisis. I want to bring to motherhood all of me – my introversion, deep thoughts, etc.
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http://letwhylead.com/ Erica {let why lead}

I loved this post, and I also really loved the responses! You generated a lot of thoughtful and heartfelt reflection. I’ll just add that I did for a while grapple with finding myself again, but I figured it out and became even better (or at least more complete) because of motherhood. You will too. I think women who are thoughtful and intentional before having kids are very likely to stay that way after. It just takes a period of adjustment. Besides, we’ll all be here for you!
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Erica, thank you!! I like the word “intentional”! I think you’re right. I’m just going to have to be more focused (and disciplined) with everything.
Tracey Monroe

So for me the experience of my identity change to Mother was very powerful … I married later in life, at 32, and had my son when I was 38. The way I relate to it is that overnight (once my son was born) I became a mother “on paper”, but settling into the identity of “being a mother” really took almost 18 months to happen for me. I was the 1 in 1000 women who had an unusual postpartum time – I experienced postpartum psychosis (back in 2008). The psychosis part, thankfully, only lasted a few weeks; but a deep postpartum depression with severe anxiety ensued. I know writing this is risky as I don’t want to scare anyone, because this is rare, but it is almost unfathomable to me how I would not, given the chance, go back and change anything. Truly. Seeing the incredible work of the cross in my life during that time, I just couldn’t wish any moment of it away. I stand in awe of how the Lord has used this experience to shape and mold my faith in a way more powerful than I could ever have imagined. After the Lord brought me through the experience, the role of mother became and is still the greatest joy in my life.

I so thank you for this opportunity to be transparent and share my experience with you. How wonderful the questions the Lord has put on your heart, and the work He is doing in preparing you for this upcoming season of your life.
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Tracey, I want to thank you for being so transparent and honest with sharing your testimony. You are so courageous b/c I know this is a tough subject. But your comment will encourage so many other women. You don’t scare me. I know that everyone has a story and a road – including myself. I also understand that “weird” feeling – meaning that feeling that no one else understands – that you would do it over again because the peace you experienced and what you learned from it was that powerful. I feel that way about my husband’s heart transplant. I even wrote about it in this post:
  http://triplebraidedlife.com/2010/05/would-i-trade-you/. You’re words led me to thank God for bringing these questions to my mind so that I can wrestle with them now. I think of them as a blessing after reading your comment. God shows us Himself the most, I think, in the tragedies of our lives. Then we have the story to share and shout to everyone else – His mercy and grace are neverending. It is glorious on the other side. Thank you, friend, you have been a blessing.
Kelley_WithEagerHands

Brenda, I think you will be a wonderful mother. Here are my “word’s of wisdom” if you will. As women we always feel the need to fit in…some more than other’s…but it is always there to some degree. I, for the most part, am secure in who I am…but going to Relevant last year, with ALL those people, and not so lil’o me, with all the quirks, nerdiness, and eccentricities, made this extrovert feel like an introvert real quick, and wonder if I knew myself at all. Normally, I am pretty ok with all the things that “set me apart” I feel confident in who I am as the woman God made me, and it usually doesn’t matter much to me if I don’t fit in…but there are definitely times it creeps in. My point is…there will always be those moments, and that’s when we need to step back and remember that God made us just who we are and He loves who we are. Now, all that, i think you already knew though…next I will say…I RARELY fit in to ANY mom group. I am a younger mom, by choice…but my life experiences make me more like most of the older mom’s…to me at least. For me though, I am 28, and have 4 children. I have been married 7 years to my highschool sweet heart of 12 years. I don’t fit in with most of the older mom’s because they usually doubt my experience, responsibility, and even intelligence because I am young and have four children (I look younger than I am too.) I’ve basically been told several times about how much I simply COULDN’T know because I’m not old enough. :/ Then, I don’t usually fit in with the younger mom’s that well because I either have more kids, have them through different circumstances, am happily married, more mature, have different parenting styles, etc…and I am further estranged by the fact that I cloth diaper, breastfeed, had a home birth, home school, try to live green, and am frugal. lol…BUT I know that I none of that matters because God loves me for who I am, and so do the few christian women friends that I surround myself with. As far as losing myself…I would say to a point, yes…and if you are someone who is used to sounding intelligent, informed and having an extensive vocabulary…prepare to feel like your brain is in a fog for a little bit…(I mean, I would be talking, and literally not be able to remember the word I wanted to use even though I KNEW I knew it! lol!) Don’t fret though…it is considerably less with your first, and I would say I didn’t run into any “personhood” issues until I had my second and I am pretty sure I had ppd. With only one child it is still relatively easy to fit them into your life that you are used to and happy with…two was more of a challenge, and I found myself having some identity issues, but three was impossible…but suprisingly it was ok. I do miss some things about my “old” self sometimes, and sometimes I get confused about whether I lost part of myself along the way…but most days, I know, that I have transformed into an even better version of me, and that everything that’s always been there, that God wants there, is still there, even if it’s hiding sometimes.
- http://www.triplebraidedlife.com/ Brenda
  
  Kelley, I love your words. They are so helpful for me. My husband even said when I was talking to him about this, “Are you ever going to fit in with anyone? First you don’t fit in with married women (because I married later) then you don’t fit in with women who aren’t Christians then you don’t fit it with people without children” And he went on. I know he’s right. I may not ever feel like I “fit in” but the only one I have to focus on is God and if my choices are honoring Him. I am bad about comparing (especially in the blog world), but it is important to remember what you said. I know motherhood is going to make me even more of who He created me to be. Thank you so much again!!
  
  BTW – I was planning to go to Relevant this year until baby’s due date is then, but I can imagine how intimidating that would be for me. Wow! Good for you for stepping out there!
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http://profiles.google.com/donutsmamab Rach B.

I found that I became a new version of myself. It was hard fought and hard won, but I like that person better. I was shell shocked at first and missed my old life. But I like this new one that I’ve gained. A lot. I think God uses motherhood to reveal some amazing things to us and about us.

I’m so glad you went to the moms group despite your doubts and worries. I often have felt the exact same way. Like I need to make excuses for my age, my late entry into motherhood. But I have to keep reminding myself that it happened in GOD’s perfect time, not mine.
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