I am an obsessive organizer, but a very messy person. I know. It’s quite a dichotomy, but it’s true.
There are no junk drawers in our house. Everything has its own special place. It’s just that everything doesn’t get into that special place very often.
The other day I was thinking about how I could be so organized and yet so messy. What’s that about? Where did I learn that?
I remembered how orderly my mom was growing up. Never did a piece of junk mail sit on the counter for longer than three minutes after it arrived in our house. Never was a shoe not put directly into the closet after being taken off. Never did a pen not get put back in the desk after being used. Never.
My mom never taught me how to organize. She never sat me down and showed how to categorize items so that everything had its special place in the house.
I learned by watching her.
Of course it was subconscious. I didn’t deliberately watch her in hopes of gaining a few organizational tips. But like through osmosis I learned from her.
Then I brought my own messy self to the equation. So now I have a little bit of both.
Soon after I found out I was going to have a baby I became hyper aware of all the things I need to teach her and some of the things that she just might learn by watching me.
Things that I’m not even aware of myself.
Things that I don’t want her to learn.
Maybe even things from days when Jesus wasn’t my priority.
The Bible teaches us that generational sin is real. I think it stinks to be honest, and I think it’s unfair. (But then again I’m not God.)
However, it wasn’t until I knew with every flutter, kick, and swish deep inside me that this child was here and growing and one day coming out that I realized the impact my past, present, and future might have on her.
So I began praying.
‘The Lord is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.’ In accordance with your great love, forgive the sin of these people, just as you have pardoned them from the time they left Egypt until now” (Numbers 14:18-19).
I began praying a very special prayer over my unborn baby that God would overflow her with grace. Grace she will need for dealing with the parts of me I wish I didn’t give her.
The parts that still show up broken and that she may learn broken.
The parts that react in fear instead of in truth.
The parts that say “I’m first” when really others should be first.
The parts that run away from Him instead of running toward Him.
Even though sometimes I still operate out of the broken state I once lived in, it is important for me to remember that now I am whole. Wholly sewn back together through my life with Jesus. I am hidden with Him.
And my baby girl will be too.
What was available to me is also available to her. Even though she will have my soiled genes, she will also have my Savior.
What prayer did you pray for your children before they were born?
This week I am linked up with: