I have been a mom for two months and already I am Desperate.
Each day I wake up and wonder, “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get this together? I’m not even a young mom. I’m an oldish mom, so what is the problem? I wanted a baby ever since I was a little girl. This is my dream come true. So why is this so hard?”
My husband puts his thumbs right beneath my eye, gently rubs, and says, “You have bags.”
As I get up for the second feeding of the night the bags grow along with the feeling of hopelessness. I love spending those moments in the dark quiet of the night with my precious baby girl, but I have to make myself enjoy them. I know that in a few hours she’ll be ready to eat with the sunrise, and I’ll have to get up and start the list in my head.
Think about dinner.
And of course I’m supposed to be working out now, too.
All of that with the three-hour increments of sleep I got the night before.
I joined Sarah Mae’s launch team for her and Sally Clarkson’s new book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breath thinking that I would reap some small nuggets of wisdom about motherhood for later on – when I’m really a mother. Like when we hit the terrible twos and I have the oh-so-famous “strong-willed child”.
I didn’t expect the introduction to be about me – already. After all, I’ve only been a mom for two months.
“Exhausted, out of my mind, and still hormonal, every day felt like a fight. Feelings of desperation were like an ever-present shadow over the good in my life. Experiencing hope in Jesus felt like chasing gold at the end of the rainbow . . . getting to it was always out of reach. Motherhood was something I planned for, something I wanted, so why was living it out so drastically different from my expectations?” ~ Sarah Mae from Desperate p. xvi
My first thought was, “How did she know? How did Sarah Mae know that this is me?”
I will be honest in saying that I have not finished reading Desperate yet. I’m on chapter 3. But with only two months in of motherhood, this book is already teaching me to breathe.
See, I am no different from a lot of other women. My ideals are high. My expectations are even higher. I went into motherhood thinking that it would be something I could control – make into what I wanted it to be.
Each chapter of Desperate starts with Sarah Mae explaining her struggles with motherhood. Then Sally Clarkson replies with the wisdom that only a woman who’s been in the trenches can give. It’s like having Sally as your personal mentor right there with you – right where you live.
“This is the true beginning point – God. He is the one who created babies bursting with life and the mamas who love to care and watch over them. He brought forth from His imagination the most beautiful of gardens, threw galaxies of stars into orbit, and painted our world with color. In keeping with His character, He must have intended something beautiful in creating a woman with this ability to give life, nurture with love, and cultivate the soul of a precious human being entrusted into her hands.” ~ Sally Clarkson from Desperate p. 9.
Today starts Launch Week for Desperate, and you don’t want to miss the fun!
Be sure to join the No More Desperate Mom Movement!
And read other Desperate mom stories here!
Share with us. What is your most desperate mom moment?