Fifty Shades of Grey

June 27, 2012 By Brenda

Last week several bloggers wrote about the book Fifty Shades of Grey and the popularity it has gained with women – particularly mommies – which has given it the nickname “mommy porn”. Some of these blog posts created quite a heated discussion among all women including Christian women.

A few mindsets that resonated with me the most as I read the posts about Fifty Shades of Grey and comments from the readers are “If you read it, it’s not as bad as it seems”, ”There’s an element of redemption in the story”, “They get married at the end”, and “It’s fiction. Me reading that book will not make be become that character or do those things.”

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This post is a follow-up response to that last statement in order to share with you a real-life story of a woman who was caught up in a similar lifestyle and who is now on the other side, redeemed by the blood of Jesus.

After my post, “Fifty Shades of Grey: A Game Plan“, she wrote the comment below. She signed her name “Redeemed”.

Before you read the comment, I just want to express my sincere appreciation to her for having the courage to share her story with us. This is a Jesus miracle, the kind that changes lives and shows His almighty glory. It is very scary to be vulnerable, step out in faith, and not be held under the bondage of the enemy’s lies about the past any longer. When I asked her if I could feature her comment in this post, she admitted to me how much courage it took to write it. But she also said, “Neither my silence or fear can bring Him glory – my testimony can”. She asked me to publish her comment with her real name, which I will do below.

Your points are well made and well received. I’m honestly as worried about the publicity this book gets in the Christian community as it does in the secular. As a woman who did fall prey to this type of lifestyle and subverting belief system enough to welcome two tattoos that marked me as a slave girl and as a possession, it burdens my heart for the women who are presently lost in or susceptible to believing lies that make appealing the idea of subjugation equating to love/acceptance/affection. It isn’t that these lies are more destructive than any of the other lies that we’re apt to believe about ourselves above the truth that God reveals to us about who we truly are – but this issue pulls upon scarred over wounds of a 30 year lifespan of seeking love, acceptance and affection from source after failing source until I believed that submitting myself in this manner would be Utopia – and I’m not exaggerating this point.

Once upon a time, I served in leadership positions within the alternative lifestyle community, and was the facilitator of a special interest group designed specifically for women who went far deeper than to classify themselves as “merely” submissive – we were slaves by choice, we were considered the elite in feminine subservience. And we believed it and wore that moniker with pride. So much pride that I personally spent a great deal of time reasoning and contending the sacredness of that position and that type of relationship in many different media sources – and if someone still in that lifestyle were to ever read your post they would do the same. And they would as well likely tell you that I simply must have had a bad experience, or the wrong relationship/partner, or become disgruntled or disillusioned somehow – that I can’t speak for those who truly know and live what they believe to be the truth. I remember believing it that deeply and devotedly.

I say all of this to say that I know that this book is dangerous. It is a toxic product disguised in a tempting package – as is all sin. It’s just another source to delude, and to lull. Satan knows that if sin came to us in the form of a bucket of puss we wouldn’t be tempted to partake – and for many this book wouldn’t begin to be tempting because it can clearly be seen for what it is, but for others it is craftily disguised. To see women who claim to be Christian at the same time claim that this book isn’t harmful or sinful has brought home to me once again how evil our enemy is, how conniving and constant his pursuit is, and how perceptive his accuracy is at finding the slightest openings in us to create strongholds for us in hopes to separate us from God.

Terri Lynn

Friends, this is real life.

The most dangerous belief a person can have about herself is the belief that she is not capable of any, every, and all sin.

But let’s just say that you can read this book and not fall into this lifestyle. I know that I am capable of falling into a lifestyle such as this, but I don’t know that I would immediately adopt it after reading this book. I think the consequences would be much more subtle, probably so subtle that I wouldn’t even recognize them for a while.

Even if you feel completely unaffected and still believe that you can read this book and be o.k., I ask you to consider this:

There are more slaves, sexual and otherwise, in the world today than there were during the African slave trade.

Books such as this do not help that problem.

No, this book is not all about human trafficking, and I am not trying to insinuate that it is, but my point is that this book glamorizes a form of abuse which then minimizes similar abuse that women experience in real life all over the world.

If for no other reason, don’t read this book in honor of the women who are being shipped in crates across government borders through human trafficking. Women who are beat and raped and don’t have a choice.

How would they feel about a book that glamorizes their nightmare? How does the reader who shared her story above feel?

Sometimes our decisions aren’t about us. They’re about what we’re supporting – who we’re supporting.

For further reference I encourage you to read about sexual slavery and human trafficking at The A21 Campaign, a campaign led by Christine Caine.

What are your thoughts about this testimony, this issue, and the controversy over this book?

This week I am linking up with:

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Fifty Shades of Grey and a Game Plan

June 20, 2012 By Brenda

A blogger friend wrote a much needed post last week entitled Fifty Shades of Grey: the Phenon, the Invasion, and the Preparation. My post today comes as a response to her post.

Before I even begin I will say that I have not read this book, and this is not a book I would ever read. Not only because it is a form of pornography, but also because I have simply never been interested in a lot of pop culture – even as a teenager. I haven’t read the Twilight series, and I don’t know what the Hunger Games are. And it’s not a Christian thing either. Pop culture’s just not something I’ve ever really been into. Weird, right? I’ve just never been cool like that.

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But I have heard here and there about this new book sweeping through the minds of women across the country. Or should I say burying in the minds of women across the country? Because that is what is actually happening.

I first heard it mentioned on T.V. Then I saw some people talking about it on Facebook kind of in disguise. But I knew what book they were referring to. So when I read Karen’s post I thought this might be something I need to think more deeply about.

I know that some of my friends struggle with their realm of influence being mainly Christians and not seemingly having an influence on those who are not Christians, but that is not my situation. My closest friends are also my sisters in Christ, but there are many people in my world who do not know Jesus. And then people are still at all different stages of maturity in their faith.

I can easily imagine this book coming up in a conversation at the hair salon or at lunch with friends or with the young single women I lead and mentor.

I’m ashamed to say that many times when these subjects come up, subjects that I know I am called to speak truth and go against the grain of what is in style, I cower. I get scared with what they’ll think of me or how I’ll come across.

Other times I am simply unprepared.

So today I am thinking of a Game Plan of what I can say when this book comes up in conversation.

I think that sometimes Jesus’s name needs to be used in a conversation like this depending on your relationship with the other person and how the Holy Spirit is prompting you. But from my experience winning the heart on a loving, personal level first by building a relationship is more effective. I remind myself often that it is impossible for people without the Holy Spirit to understand spiritual matters. Otherwise I find myself beating my head against the wall trying to get them to see my point.

“The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 2:14

So how can I respond in a conversation about Fifty Shades of Grey in a loving, nonjudgmental way, while also speaking truthfully out of conviction from the Holy Spirit and honoring God through my words?

Admit that I have not read the book and do not plan on ever reading the book.
Explain what I know about the book from reading blog posts, seeing commentary on T.V., or listening to what others have said about it in other conversations.
It is in our minds where our decisions and choices begin, so it seems like harmless fiction, but then we find ourselves thinking about what we’ve read which turns to lust.
Books (and anything else for that matter) that takes sex out of the context which it was purposed for – marital oneness and love – diminishes the magnitude in which we can experience it at its fullest.
This books promotes violence and dominance which is abuse and a form of slavery whether it is consensual or not.
It continues people’s misunderstanding with Biblical submission.
It sets women, young and old, up for unhealthy, destructive relationships, and possibly mental illness, by telling them that their worth is in the sensual acts they can perform with a man, at his mercy, and that it is their job to make sure the man is taken care of, satisfied, and in the end “helped”.
This cycle of abuse and then “love” leads women to believe that a similar cycle in their own life is the answer to winning the man or keeping the man or changing the man.
Like all sexual sin, the deceit is subtle. Sometimes it’s not until years later, when you’re married, that you see the effects of sexual sin whether it be outward adultery (physical or mental) or inward distrust and insecurity.
Women are worth more than this. Women are full of value and beauty, a prize to be cherished. This book does not cherish women.
Personally, I am worth far more than the way Anastasia is treated by a man. There is no way that a man would ever treat me this way, and I don’t want any iota of doubt of my worth entering into my mind by reading a book such as this.

My heart is so heavy and saddened by the lies we women continue to believe. The bondage the enemy continues to try to hold us in. We are princesses and queens with worth far greater than rubies or any other earthly treasure. And yet we continue to fall into the trap of believing otherwise and being treated as otherwise.

Jesus help us.